We first met when I was just a boy. You first came to me in a bottle and a breath of smoke. You enticed me with glamour and elevation of mood, enriching my life experience in blind surprise. I saw you charming those I looked up to and in a tangible way, I felt you could transport me to that place of joy and acceptance. I followed you toward that which I wanted, yet knew nothing of the price I would pay to hold it in my hands.
You lifted me up to meet the shallow pool of mindless bliss and as my feet sunk deeper into your murky floor, I trudged along toward that which I sought but was never fulfilled when I arrived. You baffled and intrigued me to continue sifting through your many layers constantly looking for that which I never truly found.
You morphed into many forms of liquids, powders, smoke and sniffs. I tested your chemical compounds to find just the right composition, but failed with almost every attempt. Just when I thought I had found just the correct answer in your presence, you pulled the rug out from under my staggering and shuffling feet only to bury me under the weight of the world and the opaque cloak of self.
Through you I found temporary enjoyment and relief which dissipated as quickly as it appeared leaving a reeking, loathing sense and clouded head above a broken heart. You opened doors I wanted to enter, but found rooms of crowded, exciting expereince backed with suspicious doubt and eventual failure and emptiness.
The shackles you held me in and the steel rope you bound me with will not be missed. I will carry the scars left by your bondage. They may not be noticed, but never covered up. As I lay down your heavy burden, I will step over you and stride freely toward the bountiful world you have kept me hostage from with a lightness of being an unbound spirit to freely seek the happy destiny my creator has in store for me.
So long to your charms and momentary pleasures, for the bludgeoning you have delivered to me has revealed your exact nature. The impending calamity in your course will no longer be one I will tread. A new path awaits my journey as I let you lay in the dust of days gone by. My breeze will blow above your grips as my future days now begin and end without you.
*This letter was submitted during “Share the Love of Recovery”, where we asked our staff, alumni and friends on social media to share their stories with those who are still learning to live one day at a time.