Fear of Missing Out
By Jamie J., Cumberland Heights Alumna
One of my biggest fears about getting sober was that it would be horribly boring. I wouldn’t see my friends or participate in my favorite things like dressing up on Halloween or going to see live music. I thought I’d be doomed to a life of prayer, meditation, eight-hour work days and 12-Step meetings. Holidays, birthdays and weddings would no longer be fun because the obsession to drink would take over, and I’d be in the corner on the phone with my sponsor.
However, my addiction progressed to a point where I no longer cared about having a good life. I knew if I didn’t seek the help I needed I would have no life at all. I was 21 when I decided to get sober. I went to meetings, got a sponsor, worked the steps, read the literature and prayed. I was too scared to do anything else.
During this crazy journey, amid the ups and downs, I realized I was having fun again. My first Halloween sober I dressed as a bull rider and my roommate was an ostrich rider. We had nowhere to go, so we wore our costumes to the Crossover meeting at Cumberland Heights. It was the most fun I’ve ever had on Halloween. I was also able to participate in my best friend’s wedding. I danced the night away, caught up with old friends and had a blast, sober. One of the best vacations in my life was at all-inclusive resort in Mexico with seven other recovering alcoholics. But my favorite thing to do is see live music. Today, I’m able to attend a concert, remember it the next day and not regret my behavior.
I’ve been sober now for seven and a half years. I’ve had more fun in recovery than I’ve had my entire life. I have the most amazing friends, and the longer I stay clean, the more fun I have. When you immerse yourself in this program it’s almost impossible not to have fun.
I still do the things I need to do to stay sober, but my life today is nothing like I thought it would be in recovery. At the beginning of my sobriety I stayed clean out of fear. Today, I stay clean because my life is amazing.
Jamie moved to Nashville from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to receive treatment at Cumberland Heights. She currently works at Still Waters for Women where she helps women suffering from addiction learn to live fulfilling lives.